Hypercow's Madness
I don't even know how to describe my blog, it's just full of utter randomness. Seriously. I honestly do not know what goes on here. But I do occassionally draw. Sometimes. Also hi. .u .
I AM IN THE REALM OF “GOJOFDG WHY DO YOU PEOPLE LIKE ME”
“ALL I DO IS REBLOG THE AWESOME STUFF I SEE FROM YOU GUYS ON THE DASH”
“ONCE IN A BLUE MOON I DRAW AND THAT IS ONLY WHEN I AM ALLOWED TO BY MY FUCKED UP BRAIN”
“AND EVEN THEN ITS NOT THAT GOOD”
“I DONT GET IT YOU GUYS”
“I DON’T GEEEET IT”
“I APPRECIATE EVERYTHING YOU GUYS SAY, NEVER THINK THAT I DON’T!”
“I LOVE YOU ALL DEARLY”
“BUT I JUST.”
“I FIND IT SO HARD TO ACHKNOWLEDGE EVERYTHING YOU GUYS SAY”
Here’s a confession.
The other day I was feeling stupidly low. Like, so low not even lava could find me.
I was so low I was considering abandoning Tumblr. Like I wasn’t worthy of anyone’s time.
Last night didn’t help since I was going through some old facebook screenshots of my ex basically confessing that he cheated on me before breaking it off.
I then went into this cycle of self hatred. I wondered what use I have to anyone.
I still do. I fear posting this because I know I’ll get back lash from you guys telling me that I’m worthy to be here.
But it’s so hard. It so hard to wake up every day and continue to fight through this.
Your words, help block that pain but guys.
I don’t ever mean to sound so horrible but, I’m losing faith in my strength. Everyday I’m thrown new shit, whether it be the voices in my head convincing me I’m not good enough. My father reminding me that I was purely the proof he could sire a child, or even this world telling me that I am not mentally ill and am not worth to be listened to.
I talk to my mother sometimes and we both agree when we say: “How the fuck did we make it this far?” “How are we not dead yet!?”
An old friend visited the other day to return my Guitar hero stuff and it was so awkward. I couldn’t talk to him like I do with some of you guys.
Hell if you’ve added me on skype, most of the time you have to start the conversation. I’m just so scared of you guys. I don’t want to disappoint you with who I am.
I find it so hard to talk to people about how I actually feel because I find that if I do, they’ll leave me like everyone but a few have.
Gah, I’m babbling. This was just supposed to be me thanking everyone for what they’ve said, but it’s turned into a feelings fest.
I need to dig into a hole for a day or two…not that I don’t live in a hole already.
Also my dad is stealing our food again, fuck sakeee
It doesn’t mean you aren’t cool though. I certainly don’t have the best art around, I could name tons of artist who are much MUCH better than I.
YES IT DOES AND YOU ARE AN INCREDIBLY NICE PERSON SO THERE. YOU ARE COOL ERU.
*Paps* Everyone else, including you are super cool. I sit here in my box of non-coolness! This is my boxxxx
…..*Stares at from space* WAT. NO. DO NOT BE SILLY. YOUR ART IS LIKE THE HOLY GRAIL IN MY EYES. *STAAAARRREEES*
ERU DON’T YOU START. YOU INTRODUCED ME TO THE VIETCRYSTAL. THAT IN ITSELF MAKES YOU SUPER COOL.
